Why this kit is bad:
In soccer, the viewer’s eye should be drawn to the elaborate shapes and lines of the beautiful game as it’s being played. But when Denmark took to the pitch in Mexico in 1986, the viewer’s eyes risked becoming trapped by the pattern of a kit that was a confusing mish-mash of lines and arrows. On the player’s chest, one beholds two multi-coloured griddles. On the arms, those arrows resemble an aeroplane’s emergency lights, directing you to an exit from where you can jump to your almost certain death.
It doesn’t look like the designer had any unifying concept here. They just went to a thrift shop, picked up three heavily discounted outfits, and stitched them together.
Denmark’s World Cup qualification resulted in them placing in the Group of Death, in which they first played Scotland (coached by Alex Ferguson, before the knighthood, before Man Utd). Denmark was the victor by a score of 1-0. Then they thrashed Uruguay 6-1. And then — surely the crowning achievement of this tournament for the team — they beat West Germany 2-0.
This was a memory they would have to hold on dearly, because it was as good as it would get. They lost key player Arnesen, who made an illegal retaliatory gesture against Lothar Matthäus and was sent off. Denmark were hobbled and subsequently crashed out against Spain in the next round.
This kit reminds me of:
Two-Face from Batman.
Rating out of 10:
5/10. Some people actually like this kit, but we don’t have to converse with such people or be seen in public with them.
How much would you need to pay me to wear it?
$210,401.21. I’ve calculated it down to the penny. I expect a lump-sum payment.